How I Learned to Stop Worrying & Love Alton Brown

For a long time now, Alton Brown has been persona non grata around my media center. But I've been watching a bunch of Good Eats lately (thanks to Tivo) and I have to admit he's a bit on my hit list. Wait, before you hit the red thumbs down button, hear me out! Here's the case for Alton.

What Was Wrong with Good Eats?
Like many others, things that turned me off about this sometimes overly spirited show included: his badly-matched, embroidered frat boy shirts, his over-worked mini-dramas, and his guy-gadget approach to all things cooking. After a while, you just get sick of the machine-shop approach to food. There's gotta be more to life than that, right?

But amidst all of that clinking, clanking, clattering collection of caliginous junk that he pulls out show after show, Alton turns out to be, heart-wise, more like Dorothy than the Scarecrow. All he wants is to be at home in his own back yard and for you to be, too. He wants you to be as good as Proctor and Gamble at pancakes and as smart about soda as Coke. Yes, that's right, dear reader... he's a romantic individualist. And I guess after all the kooky measuring is done and quirky DYI devices fall apart, that's his true charm.

The Facts
#1
On screen, he puts himself out on a limb time after time with embarrassing dramatizations, with no embarrassment. But in each one, no matter how annoying, he respects facts, science, and the craft of cooking. In recent shows, he hired an impressive character actor to play his business partner as a foil to push recipes along. It's great to see the passion and creativity, history and humanism all rolled into one. One of my favorites was a show on toast. A whole show.

#2
He changes his mind. When he decides he was wrong about garlic powder, he just changes his mind and states the opposite, sometimes years later. And mostly, he acknowledges his change of heart. In other words, he's intellectually honest. And an honest intellect, even in the kitchen, is the hallmark of a romantic: he wants the world to be better than his own vicissitudes , he believes in something bigger. The truth, in this case, food-science truth.

#3
He's a lover, and by that I mean he gets joy from, science, and it's cousin, technology. He believes he can connect rational thought to the senses by understanding and explaining it. And that's a beautiful thing. He's a rationalist and a sensualist with no contradiction. Food makes him feel good, and thinking makes him be good. And he's a pilot, which means he puts his money where his mouth is when it comes to believing in natural forces like gravity and the bernoulli principle as much as the Maillard reaction.

#4
Finally, Alton wears his heart on his sleeve. Over the last several years, he's fully transformed, on screen, from slightly off-balance food geek to comfortable, elder statesman. And I believe he's got even more better good times ahead, now that the whole "Waves" thing is done. (I get why he wanted to do it, but seriously...)

Alton may be in a bit of serial box on Good Eats, but I think he's got a really good book or new series in him, and I can't wait to find out how it'll turn out.

The Lowly Fork, Latecomer to the Western Table

Your ears may still be ringing with the parental interdiction "don't eat with you hands!" bellowed across the formica clad breakfast nook. You, sporting your Oshkosh jeans or Strawberry Shortcake socks, thought your parents were simply revealing the plain truth, but little did you know that throughout most of western history, most people used their hands and hardly anyone used a fork. Although experts differ on dates, up until the 18th or 19th century, digging in freestyle was the fact and fashion, and people who didn't use their digits were suspect.

As far back as the reign of the Romans, the most common table implements used throughout Europe were knives, spoons, and bits of bread used to push things around and soak up soup or gravy. Forks had been used in the kitchen as a cooking implement for centuries, but only the eccentric and wealthy dabbled with tines on a handle at the dining table.

According to Reay Tannahill's Food in History, special forks are known to have been used in Greece and Byzantium as early as the 10th century, but only for the elite. The first widespread dining-table adoption occurred in Italy, starting in the 13th century by aristocrats and as late as the 16th century by wealthy merchants.

In the 16th century, Italian manners were considered to be the most refined in Europe, and in 1533 Catherine de Medici brought forks (along with her entire kitchen and staff) with her to France when she was was married. But even with that kind of an introduction, ubiquitous fork use across all economic lines didn't catch on in northern Europe until the 18th and 19th century.

As late as 1897, seamen in the British Navy were forbidden forks and knives because they were considered an emasculate affectation that was bad for morale. And although we were slightly ahead of the English curve, the fork only became de riguer at every American dining table a few decades earlier after being embraced by squeamish 19th century doyennes of etiquette.

Failure to use a fork is a deficit in manners, no doubt, but the next time you're tempted to snatch a shrimp or palm some pan-dowdy don't beat yourself up for being an animal. After all, it's only been decades since the fork showed up at our gastronomic rodeo.

Laser Cut, Ginger Bread

If you haven't seen this, check it. out... insanely detailed gingerbread bridge cut using a laser.

Unboxing: Gifty Cowgirl Chocolates from Moscow Idaho

Foodbuzz.com graciously arranged for me to do a little tasting of Cowgirl chocolate truffles. I did an unboxing and a quick tasting, and here are the results for your pleasure.

What I Got In the mail, I got a Cowgirl Signature 1/4 Pound Truffle Box, which costs $12.95 for 8 individually, mylar-wrapped flavored chocolate truffles and one caramel in a heftily built gift box.

What's Inside As you can sorta see from the pics, it's a nice looking gift with lots of decorative stuff on it. There's a sticker, tissue, a ribbon, a tag, and a western-themed, and a silver plastic star button (that unfortnately will go straight from the box into the landfill).

When you open the western-themed gift, what you get is handful of mylar wrapped truffles. Each tuffle is color coded, and there's a variety of flavored truffles to discover, everything from Ivory Orange to Habanero Dark Chocolate flavors in the box.

Gift Impact
I'm a big fan of simplicity, and I avoid buying anything with over-built, themed wrappings, trinkets and decorations all over it. The decade of the Hummer and Escalade is over. Even in gift giving, I like to follow a path of thoughtful simplicity.

Especially in these times when we're thinking a bit greener, I appreciate innovative ways to cut back on packaging rather than ways to bulk it up. Don't get me wrong, nothing was cheezy about the Cowgirl packaging (except the silver button), but IMHO there was just too darn much of it.

For example, I would rather have had the flavor guide stamped onto the inside of the box top with a plain old, low-rez rubber stamper than have another bit of paper to throw away. I would rather have had received the truffles all naked nested in recylced paper than individually wrapped with more plastic I can't re-use. The ribbon was totally cool, however, and I'm already re-using it as a cat toy.

The Chocolates Themselves
For the sake of full disclosure, I tend to be pretty much a purist when it comes to chocolate, but I also love chocolate and chili flavors together, so I was excited about the Dark Chocolate Habanero flavor. To be fair, I usually buy bars, and I gravitate to high cocoa levels and never crave milk chocolates (or worse, white chocolate...if I want to eat pure fat, I'd rather dip bread in olive oil or eat crispy duck skin than eat vanilla flavored, sweetened palm oil emulsions).

However, for the sake of a balanced tasting, I chose both the hottest, darkest truffle for my own personal pleasure, and the lightest, blandest one on behalf of those who enjoy a milder treat.


The Habanero
The ingredient list for all of the chocolates reads well indeed. There's nothing artificial there, just good, solid flavorings. The Habanero truffle itself was not very spicy hot, it was imbued with a pleasant warmth to accompany the bitter and sweet flavors of the dark chocolate. The heat component was a simple, one note shot of capsacin without a lot of chili character. The dark chocolate wasn't bad, either, but it also lacked noticeable character or depth.

The Ivory Orange
For the lighter side, I chose the Ivory Orange tuffle. It had a soft, creamsicle style with lots of sweetness and orange essence floating around. Again, it was a solid truffle, but it was a pretty simple bite. Nothing much to savor, there. It was milk chocolate and white chocolate in a marbled presentation.

The Verdict
These gift boxes are made with earnest care, the wrappings are colorful, and the theme is all americana. The chocolate itself is tempered beautifully and makes that "expensive" impact that many people enjoy. If you know someone who likes themed gifts with visual appeal and a little story and theme to accompany, you'll love giving these treats.

If you're looking for something with a more sophisticated, leaner presentation and an emphasis on adventurous flavor and ingredients, you're better off with Pierre Marcolini or traditional, old-world styles like Teuscher.

Mean Pinto Beans with Bacon and Arugula

As the economy spirals into oblivion, you may well be reconsidering your food budget. And dried beans are a smart item to factor in. They're packed with all sorts of stuff your body and your wallet will love! Like flavor and cheapness and fiber and nutrients.

Thing is, beans taste like dirt unless you season and add some meaty flavor. To get going, I use the smartest invention since windmills and solar panels, the pressure cooker, to turn dried beans into a versatile base ingredient in just about 20-25 minutes.

Start with Flavorful Beans
I start with 3 cups of Rancho Gordo pinto beans, 7 cups of suitably salted water, a couple of bay leaves, some cumin, a tablespoon of dried Turkish oregano, a couple of Szechuan pepper pods and several grinds of black pepper.

The basic recipe for dried beans calls for soaking overnight, draining, then cooking in water or stock. If you use a pressure cooker, as I recommend, follow the manufacturer's instructions. My 15-year old Fagor Rapida requires just 20-25 minutes to get the beans to al dente, destroy the gastric problem-causing sugars, and infuse initial flavors into the bean.

Believe it or not, pressure cooking puts dried beans into the category of practical and realistic for weekday meals. If you do it the traditional way, you'll need hours. Pressure cookers are the bomb! In the good way!! All of the current models are PERFECTLY SAFE. Mine is 15 years old and safe as houses...errr...as houses were before the economy did it's swan dive.

Finish the Beans
Once the beans are seasoned and al dente, drain off the cooking liquid and reserve it, then reboot your tongue and think about how to finish them. Today, I sauteed a couple of chopped onions and 4 strips of Niman Ranch smoked bacon chopped into one quarter inch pieces with salt and pepper.

After adding two tablespoons of dried, ground ancho chili to the beans, the somewhat browned and caramelized contents of my saute pan, two handfuls of baby arugula, and a couple of cups of the reserved cooking liquid, I set the pot on low and let the arugula wilt and the ancho to thicken, about 10 minutes.

That's it! And it only cost 10 bucks for 6 servings...not bad. Add some rice or even just a few slices of good bread and you're done.

Recipe
3 cups of dried pinto beans, cooked and seasoned with salt, cumin, oregano, hot pepper pods and ground black pepper. Yields about 6 cups of cooked beans.
2 medium onions chopped and sauteed in 1 tbs of peanut oil
2 tbs of dried, ground ancho chili
4 thick cut smoked bacon strips, chopped into pieces
2-3 handfuls of baby arugula

Season and cook the pintos, saute the onions with the bacon, combine with ancho chili, arugula and a couple of cups of cooking liquid... simmer until the ancho thickens and the arugula wilts and ladle over rice or serve with a couple of slices of good bread.